A Year Full of Firsts

Eating Alone

 

We are looking for a new beginning and hope for a better year coming in 2024.  But this year will hold a year of firsts along with the sadness of the first year without my Dad. 

Christmas is over and Dad was not there.  I am glad He is in heaven now for he no longer is lost when his memory fails.  Dad no longer has the pain or the disappointment he can’t finish what he was doing.  This realization doesn’t help the fact we still miss Him and wish we could have the “old Dad” back for just another year. 

I don’t think I will be alone; I know there are many others who are starting a year with firsts.  This will be the first without a father, mother, husband, wife, sister, brother, son, or daughter or that special person we loved because of who they were.   It may too, be a year of loss of employment or the end of a relationship. The grief will all be the same.  We will flow through the emotions at different paces, and some will stay in one phase or another, but we will all experience that stuck feeling.  Will this ever be over?  I don’t’ like the new normal; I still want the old normal back.   That is the strange thing about life; just when we get used to a familiar everyday routine, we are thrust into a change of a different normal.  The new everyday routine, well, we won’t like the new normal as we age into the so-called golden years. I say humbug to the golden years for I don’t see anything golden to them. Getting old has many challenges I’d rather not experience.  

I cherish we still have the opportunity to hold onto those we love and glean wisdom for just one more day.  We have the opportunity to talk just one more time before they can no longer speak.  The one more time to snap a selfie or family photo before they are no longer here.  But here is not their end for sure.  I am grateful for the assurance we have been given to know this is not the end of all, nor was this the goal.  The next life in Heaven was the goal all along and we just lost sight of that for a while. 

My older generations in our family gave the gift of knowing the bigger picture.  This is not a short story nor a one-shot movie.  Rather, our lives are a series of chapters, and this chapter has ended and the next one has begun.  I like to think we have an opportunity to be a star in our own movie series.  Thank goodness for the next chronicle as we can change the direction of our path we are taking.

We can think of it this way, this place in time is only part of the big screen.  Like any good story, there is a villain, and that villain is death.  Like all enemies, death was created as a result of the evil of sin, our old rival.  We are not strong enough to fight this enemy by ourselves.  But, out of the darkness a light has shown through.  We have a Savior which has defeated death.  Christ died so we would no longer have to experience death.  Christ rose again so death would be conquered.  Now Christ points us to the promise of resurrection once and forever. 

We will no longer have to mourn for our loved ones.  One day life will no longer give way to death.  We have confidence we are saved by a Creator who is the ‘Ancient of Days’ as He is not content with allowing things to stay as they are.  He loved us so much to not just sit by, but he did something about the sin in the world He had created.  He had a plan from the start.  So, if He had a plan from the start why on earth would He allow sin to enter His creation?  It is only through the darkness can light shine its brightest.  Only through tragedy can people be moved to fight for what is right.  Only through pain will people stop and turn from evil and towards what is for their good.  Death is our enemy; death is the tragedy which we will all experience; death is the inflictor of pain; grieving and mourning we must all deal with. Death is the result of sin; this was not God’s desire for a perfect creation. However, it is what is needed to bring the climax of the story to its glory.

I am not saying God calls us to stifle our grief or to act stoically without releasing our emotions.  To be honest, I HATE the old religious cliches and theological triteness people try to use to reduce the moment of uneasiness when dealing with a grieving person.  A situation I find difficult is during an open casket event. I won’t look at a person laying in a casket.  I always want my memories to be when we laughed and cried together while they were alive.  (So please give me grace anytime you expect me to attend a calling hour, I won’t be) Sometimes it is just being there silently and sitting with the grieving is all that is needed.  Many times, the grieving doesn’t even know what they need help with.  If you see something needs done, do it next time.  Just showing up to help is all that is needed to get the griever to take that first step in getting back to a life of normalcy again.

Death will often bring about the rush of many emotions.  Sometimes one at a time or other times all of them at once.  As the shock of death settles in, we may begin to doubt this goodness and mercy God talks about.  The feeling of being loved by God is just not present when we can’t see past this wave of grief we are experiencing.  The tendency for life to descend into a self-absorption of self-pity as it colors our ability to see clearly the positive in our lives.  Anger can distort our vision of our new reality.  Why would God allow our lives to descend into this pit of despair.  Why would God allow death to enter into our existence as we watch others move on with their lives in what appears to be happy bliss.  At this point envy has set in and so the fog of despair.  Don’t get caught here. 

God never intended you to do life alone.  He never intended you to go through the experience of death and its loss alone either.  Actually, God did promise to provide what you need to face this experience of a year of new firsts.  After all, we are called to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2) There is meaning and purpose still ahead.  This is a time habits and the rhythm of daily routines can carry us through.  You may not feel like reading the Bible so listen to it instead.  You may not feel like singing right now so take a walk and let nature sing to you.  Give yourself permission to have moments of weeping.  God made these times to allow our bodies to be washed of the grief.  When someone calls allow yourself to express your needs if only to have someone sit beside you in silence.  As you receive comfort from others you are able to understand and give comfort to those who will inevitably be walking this same path in the future.  This is how God enters into your darkness and then equips you to do the same for others.  (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

It is a reality of life we will all be experiencing the year of firsts at one time or another.  The one wonderful thing about this story is God has let us in on the ending.  We know how death’s suffering and grief is finally won over.  We are confidently assured every last tear will be dried and we will never have to morn or experience death again.  We will have a place and life in heaven in the last chapter of this eternal story.