Every marriage requires significant sacrifice and compromise for two people to truly become one. In today’s world, marriage is often seen as a prison, something to be avoided at all costs. Yet, despite these negative views, marriage has endured and even thrived in most cases since the beginning of time. What makes the difference? Think of marriage like a rope—strong and unbreakable because it intertwines two strands together. In the toughest times, what keeps the rope from unraveling is a promise to stay committed and hold it all together, even when feelings are at their breaking point. The third strand? This can be found in Ecclesiastes 4:11-13, which says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” This historical wisdom reminds us that the presence of God in a marriage can strengthen the bond, even when the storms of life threaten to tear everything down.
Love alone, despite what modern songs and movies often
suggest, is not enough to sustain a marriage. Couples who fail to make it
through difficulties often aren’t fully committed to making the marriage work.
Commitment means deciding to put in the hard work needed to repair the
relationship. If you constantly think about what life would be like with
someone else or wish things were different, it’s difficult to find the momentum
to move forward. Divorce can have lasting consequences on your children and finances,
and finding someone "better" is not always the solution, as every
relationship faces its own set of challenges.
Every marriage faces difficult moments, but these challenges
can be opportunities for growth. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, couples
can transform conflict into deeper connection (though this doesn't apply to
abusive relationships). Often, couples in crisis direct their energy elsewhere
because it’s too painful to face the problems in their marriage. Even when
physically married, many have emotionally “checked out.”
To bring the energy back into a relationship, it’s important
to stop looking for ways to exit. This means being mindful of activities where
we invest our emotional resources, like working extra hours, overeating,
spending too much time at the gym, or using social media. While these
activities might seem harmless, if they are a way to avoid your spouse, they
can become an exit from the relationship. Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us to
"regard one another as more important than yourselves," emphasizing
that we should put our spouse's interests before our own.
Marriage requires a sacrificial attitude. Ephesians 5:25
teaches that husbands should love their wives "just as Christ loved the
church and gave Himself up for her," showing the depth of commitment
needed in marriage. In any relationship, but especially in marriage, it’s vital
to serve one another. 1 Peter 4:10 encourages us to use our gifts to serve each
other as "good stewards of the manifold grace of God."
One way to foster a positive marriage is by expressing
appreciation. When you acknowledge what you love about your spouse, it
reinforces positive behavior and makes your partner feel valued. Instead of a
simple thank you, take time to sit down with your spouse, look them in the
eyes, and express why you appreciate them. This simple act can break through
negativity and strengthen the connection between you.
Even after many years of marriage, it’s essential to
continue dating your spouse. Set aside time each week for a special outing,
whether it’s a dinner or a walk in the park, to maintain a strong, face-to-face
connection. These shared moments show that your marriage is a priority.
Remember, love is a verb. Showing care for your spouse
involves performing loving actions. Ask your spouse what actions make them feel
loved and try to do one of those things each day. As you act lovingly, you not
only stir your own love for your spouse but also ignite their love for you.
These actions can transform your relationship for the better. Romans 12:10
encourages us to "give preference to one another in honor," showing
that marriage thrives on love and respect, where each person prioritizes the other.
As we continue this conversation, we'll dive into
communication in part 2. Seeking help is one of the greatest steps you can take
in strengthening your marriage.
Resources:
Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling, Jay E Adams
Theology of Biblical Counseling, Heath Lambert
Forgiving Others, Timothy S Lane
Finding local counselors through ACBC: Find a Biblical
Counselor Near You - ACBC
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