When the Words Sting: Healing from the Hurt of Slander

Have you ever poured hot water on an ant hill, thinking you’d wiped it out—only to find new hills forming days later? We tried it once. The steam rose, and we thought we’d finally stopped the invasion. But some of those ants escaped. And not long after, they were back—building again, this time even closer to our home.

Slander is a lot like that.

Someone says something false about you—twists a story, speaks out of anger, or spreads lies in an attempt to hurt or control a situation. It might come from jealousy, revenge, or just a careless heart. And the damage doesn’t stay contained. It spreads—quietly, persistently—just like those ants.

It’s heartbreaking when someone paints you falsely, and others believe them. The sting is sharp, but deeper still is the ache when the person doing the damage is someone you trusted. A friend. A family member. Someone who once walked with you—perhaps even a fellow believer.

Jesus understood this deeply. In Mark 7:20–23 (ESV), He tells us:

“What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts… slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

God didn’t leave us without guidance when it comes to dealing with conflict inside His body. When someone is gossiping or spreading untruths, Scripture gives a clear, grace-filled path to follow.

Jesus taught in Matthew 18:15–17 that if someone sins against you, you should go to them privately first:

• Step One: Go directly to the person. Don’t vent to others—speak with them in love and humility.
• Step Two: If they won’t listen, take a mature believer with you as a witness and try again.
• Step Three: If they still refuse to change, Scripture calls us to step back, entrusting the matter to God.

This pattern isn’t about revenge—it’s about restoration and protecting the body of Christ from division. If the gossip continues even after you've followed these steps, you forgive—but you don’t have to stay close. You guard your peace by creating space, not out of bitterness but out of wisdom.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
—Romans 12:18 (ESV)

Gossip Has Consequences—God Takes It Seriously Scripture speaks clearly and repeatedly about the damage caused by gossip and slander:

• Proverbs 16:28 (ESV): “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”
• Proverbs 20:19 (ESV): “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.”
• Ephesians 4:29 (ESV): “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up…”
• Leviticus 19:16 (ESV): “You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people…”
• Psalm 34:13 (ESV): “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.”
• 2 Corinthians 12:20 (ESV): “…that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip…”
• James 1:26 (ESV): “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue… this person's religion is worthless.”
• Romans 1:29 (ESV): “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness… full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips.”
• Matthew 12:36 (ESV): “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”

Gossip isn’t small in God’s eyes. It’s not harmless. It wrecks reputations, divides relationships, and dishonors the gospel.

Sometimes, even after doing everything right, the person doesn’t acknowledge their sin. They may even continue the behavior. That’s when you set up a healthy boundary—not as a punishment, but as protection. Stepping away allows space for healing and gives your heart room to process and release.

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
—Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)

Forgiveness does not mean pretending it didn’t hurt. It means you choose not to carry the weight of resentment. You don’t allow the offense to take up real estate in your heart or your mind.

In your pain, you are not alone. God is not distant from your wounds—He’s present, near, and deeply caring.

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”
—Psalm 62:8 (ESV)

Bring your pain to Him. Let Him be your defender.

“Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”
—1 Peter 3:16 (ESV)

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…”
—Romans 1:16 (ESV)

“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”
—1 Corinthians 1:18 (ESV)

You may not always get to defend your name—but God can. And He will.

So what do we do when the sting of slander still lingers?

• We follow Jesus’ steps for reconciliation.
• We speak the truth in love, but we don’t let their words define us.
• We set boundaries to guard our hearts and maintain peace.
• We forgive, because we have been forgiven.
• We stand firm, because God's power is still working in our lives.

Even if some of the “ants” got away… even if the damage seems beyond repair… God is still working. He is still restoring. And He is still writing beauty into the broken places.