No matter what conflict arises in a marriage, it all comes
down to communication. If communication is a problem, resolving any other
issues will be nearly impossible. As soon as you find a solution, the tension
can return when the next disagreement comes up. Sometimes, the communication
problem becomes so big that it’s just as important as the other issues being
discussed. Often, when one partner realizes the need for better communication,
the other may resist the change. This is when it’s crucial to both work
together before things get worse.
Be aware of pride, self-righteousness, and over-confidence,
as these can quickly create obstacles. Misunderstandings can cause one spouse
to resist what the other is trying to express. It’s important to learn how to
ask for what you want. We often complain about what’s missing but forget to
express our true desires. Instead of focusing on how your spouse isn’t giving
you attention, try sharing how much you long for their love and care.
Galatians 6:1-5 teaches us to restore each other gently and
bear one another's burdens. When disagreements arise, avoid name-calling,
blaming, or shaming. A toxic relationship can’t thrive. Instead, take
responsibility for your own feelings. Instead of saying “you always do this,”
try saying “I felt hurt when…” This helps shift the focus away from blaming and
toward understanding each other’s feelings.
1 Corinthians 10:12 reminds us to stay humble and aware of
our own weaknesses, so we don’t fall into temptation.
How can we improve communication? Talking is only part of
it; it’s about turning those talks into action. A genuine effort to communicate
can bring hope to a struggling marriage. Set a time and place—like the kitchen
table—to talk about any issues that need addressing. This should be a time free
of distractions, and no interrupting or criticizing. If things start to get
heated, it’s okay for one person to step away until they calm down. It’s also
helpful to have one spouse take notes and keep a Bible nearby for guidance.
Start and end with prayer, and take turns praying. Understand that developing
good communication is a process that takes time, but it’s worth the effort.
Make an effort to really listen to your spouse, trying to
understand their perspective without immediately reacting. Even if things look
different from your point of view, be curious about what your partner is
saying. You might be surprised by what you learn.
A painful truth many married couples face is that "my
spouse is not me." It’s important to recognize that your spouse may see
the world very differently than you. Making space for that difference is key to
growing together in your marriage.
I have provided my resources below. Remember, asking for help is one of the
biggest opportunities you can take in building your marriage.
Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling, Jay E Adams
Theology of Biblical Counseling, Heath Lambert
Forgiving Others, Timothy S Lane
Finding local counselors through ACBC: Find a Biblical
Counselor Near You - ACBC
No comments:
Post a Comment